Selective mutism
When a child speaks at home but is silent at nursery or school: gradual encouragement of communication.
Selective mutism is the condition in which a child speaks normally in settings where they feel safe - usually at home - and is unable to speak in other settings, such as nursery or school.
It is important to understand that the child is not choosing to be silent and is not being defiant. The silence is a response to anxiety, and pressure to speak makes the situation worse, not better.
What parents and teachers notice
- The child speaks freely at home and is completely silent at school.
- They do not answer when the teacher asks, even when they know the answer.
- They communicate by gesture, nodding or writing.
- They freeze or avoid eye contact in social situations.
- They speak with certain children and not with others.
- They avoid activities that require speaking aloud.
- The situation lasts longer than an initial settling-in period.
When to seek help
In the first days of nursery or school, silence is an expected and transient response. Assessment is called for when it continues past the settling-in period, or when it is holding the child back in learning and in relationships.
Waiting a long time turns the silence into a habit and into a fixed role within the group, and the work later becomes harder.
How the assessment works
The assessment establishes where, with whom and under what conditions the child speaks - and where they do not. That map is the foundation of the plan, because the work proceeds by widening the circle of safe situations step by step.
We also check whether there is an accompanying speech difficulty, because anxiety is sometimes fed by a real difficulty with pronunciation or language.
How therapy works
The approach is gradual and free of pressure. The child is not asked to speak before they are ready; steps are built from what they can manage now towards gradually greater demands.
Working with the nursery or school is often decisive, because that is where the difficulty occurs. The teacher receives practical guidance on how to ask and how to respond.
The parent's role
The most important guidance for parents is to stop the pressure: no 'say hello', no 'why didn't you speak', no explaining to others that the child is shy.
Parents help by creating small opportunities for success and by treating small steps as real achievements.
Frequently asked questions
- Is selective mutism just shyness?
- It is not. Shyness eases with time and familiarity; selective mutism persists and holds the child back from situations they would like to take part in. That is why it needs a planned approach.
- Should we make the child speak?
- No. Pressure raises anxiety and entrenches the silence. The work begins at the level where the child feels safe and widens in small steps.
- Should the school be involved?
- Usually yes, and this is done with the family's consent. When the teacher understands the approach, the steps gained in therapy hold in the classroom too.
The first step is a conversation.
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